How do you know when an engineer is an extrovert?
He looks at your shoes.
He looks at your shoes.
Illinois Crazy Law
The English language is not to be spoken.
You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person.
You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile.
You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of "eavesdropping" on your own conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2.
It is illegal to give a dog whiskey.
In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb.
Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.
Kites may not be flown within the city limits.
It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe's neck.
Spitting is forbidden
It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.
One may not pee in his neighbor's mouth.
Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays.
Cars may not be driven through the town.
Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.
A man with a moustache may not kiss a woman.
It is illegal to go trick-or-treating on Halloween.
Bowling is forbidden.
It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.
It is unlawful for "negroes" to be within county boundries from sundown to sunrise.
It is illegal to expectorate from any second-story window.
There is a $1,000 dollar fine for beating rats with baseball bats.
It is against the law to use a slingshot unless your are a law enforcement officer.
Town fathers, reflecting the pet peeve of hearing their town's name mispronounced 'Jolly-ETTE' when all local folk know it's pronounced 'Joe-lee-ETTE', made pronouncing it Jolly-ette a misdemeanor, punishable by a $5 fine.
A rooster must step back three hundred feet from any residence if he wishes to crow. Hens that wish to cackle must step two hundred feet back from any residence.
Bees are not allowed to fly over the village or through any of Kriland's streets.
Ice skating at the Riverside pond during the months of June and August is prohibited.
There is a ban on unnecessary repetitive driving on 23rd Avenue.
You may not own a handgun
It is against the law to make faces at dogs.
No pool tables are allowed in a public establishment, because it supports gambling.
Spitting on the sidewalk is a criminal offense.
Trucks may only park inside closed garages.
Basketball hoops may not be instaled on a driveway.
It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, or any other domesticated animals.
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: FEE-NICKS'. There are other names to learn such as Awatukee (Ah-wa-Too-Kee) but that will be included in the advanced course.
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop 101, your speed is expected to at least match the highway number. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.
4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.
6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.
7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.
8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.
9. Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the 'I-10' are the same road. SR202 is the same road as The Red Mountain FWY. Dunlap and Olive are the same street too. Jefferson becomes Washington, but they are not the same street. SR 101 is also the Pima FWY except west of I-17, which is also The Black Canyon FWY, and The Veterans Memorial HWY. Lastly, Thunderbird Rd. becomes Cactus Rd. but, Cactus Rd. doesn't become Thunderbird Rd. because it dead ends at a mountain.
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally activated.
11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off' accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands.
13. If it's snow bird season all rules are off and it's every man for himself.