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The Pope was on a visit to Alaska, surveying the scenery. Suddenly from the edge of the woods he heard an ear splitting scream, terrifying to hear. He saw a young man wearing shorts, sandals, a "Hope and Change' hat and a 'Save the Trees' shirt, struggling frantically, to get away from a huge angry grizzly bear.

As the Pope watched in horror, a group of gnarly woodsman types wearing NRA caps appeared out of the woods. One quickly fired a .44 magnum slug right into the bear's chest. The two other men pulled the now semiconscious man from the bear's grasp. Then using baseball bats, the remaining loggers finished off the bear. Two of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pickup truck while the other tenderly placed the injured man in the back seat. As they began to leave, the Pope summoned all of them over to him. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he proudly proclaimed. "I have heard there was bitter hatred between Liberals and Conservatives, loggers and activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."

As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, "Who the hell was that guy?"
"Dude, that was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom."
"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom, but he don't know squat about bear hunting; by the way, is the bait still alive or do we need to go back to California and get another one?”
 

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Laws Are Now In Conformance With The Bible:
Washington State just passed two laws:
1. Legalized Gay Marriage
2. Legalized Marijuna
The fact that gay marriage and marjuna were legalized on the same day
makes perfect bibical sense,because Leviticus 20:13 says:
" If a man lies with another man they should be stoned"
It appears that we just hadn't interpreted it correctly before now.
 

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Did you hear about the guy who had sex with his canary? He came down with a case of chirpies.................worst part was: it's untweetable !
 
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Actually, it's two goldfish in a bowl. Everyone knows swordtails and mollies drive tanks.
 

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Will I live to see 80?

This about says it all…………………….

Will I Live to see 80 something?

Here's something to think about.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned seventy).



A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, “Do you think I'll live to be 80?”

He asked, “Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?”



“Oh no,” I replied.

Then, he asked, “Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?”

I said, “Not much. My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!”

“Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?”



“No, I don't,” I said.

He asked, “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?”

“No,” I said.

He looked at me and said, “Then, why do you even give a shit?”









 

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Cro, so your a woman? Now that explains a lot!;)


Tom
 

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Ya you got me Tom. Here's a picture of me walking to my high school prom dance. For some reason my date never showed up. I never did learn why.

View attachment 13327
Well I see your husbands infatuation with your rack. Mesmerizing......



Tom
 

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This might help explain
why computers sometimes have a mind of their own.





In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dorothy.





Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.





And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"





And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"





And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on
the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."





Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.






To prevent neighbouring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP).





And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take
to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.





And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.





And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known.





He said, "We need a name that reflects what we
are."





And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."





"YAHOO," said Abraham.





And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.





Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid
(GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.





It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).





That is how it all began. And that's the truth....
 

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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^What the heck?^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Never seen anything like that on Amazon before!:confused:


Tom
 

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A UPS truck was robbed of a box going to the pharmacy containing 1000 Viagra pills. The police put out an APB (All Point Bulletin) for the public to be on the lookout for a Hardened Criminal!
 

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Donald and Daisy went out for a night on the town and later he got her back to the motel room. He was ready to go and she said, DONALD, you are not touching me with that without a condom. He asked where am I going to get one this time of night. Go down and ask the clerk if they have some in stock.

He went down and asked, do you have any condoms, the clerk said yes, we do. Donald says I need a packet, not problem replied the clerk, do you want me tp put these on your bill. Donald stepped back and said, THIT NO, I WILL THUFFOCATE!!!
 

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My grandson told me this one, I honestly never heard it before:

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on him.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

The tame way. So I responded with:

How do you catch a polar bear?

You cut a hole in the arctic ice, place frozen peas all around the edge of it, and when the polar bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole!
 
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