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A young New York woman was so depressed she decided to end her
life by throwing herself into the ocean.

Just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome
young man stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," he said. "I'm a
sailor and we are off to Italy tomorrow.
I can stow you away on my
ship.
I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you
happy.
When we get to Italy you will be SO GLAD that you're alive"

With nothing to lose and always wanting to see Italy, she accepted.

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small
but comfortable compartment in the ship's hold.

From then on, every night, he would bring her sandwiches, a
bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn.

Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a
routine inspection.

"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.

"I have an arrangement with a sailor," she replied. "He brings
me food and I get a free trip to Italy."

"I see," The captain says.

Then her conscience got the best of her, and she added, "Plus,
he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."

GaryL






























 

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What a coincidence!



A farmer went to a local bar and ordered a glass of champagne.


The woman sitting next to him said, 'How about that? I just ordered champagne too!’


'What a coincidence' the farmer said. 'This is a special day for me. I'm celebrating.’


This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,' said the woman.


'What a coincidence!' said the farmer. As they clinked glasses he added: 'What are you celebrating?’


'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!’


'What a coincidence!' said the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and all last year my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying eggs again.’


'That's great!' said the woman, 'How did your chickens become fertile?’


'I used a different cock,' he replied.


The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said 'What a coincidence!'

GaryL
 

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A little girl got a phone call. The fellow asked are you a little girl?, yes she said. He asked can I speak to your mom or dad? She said no, they are busy and can't come to the phone. He asked is there anyone else there? She said yes, the police are here, can I talk to one of them he asked. No they are busy also. He asked is there anyone else there? yes, the firemen are here she said, they are busy and can't come to the phone. He asked what are they doing? She said in her quiet voice," they are looking for me."
 

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A little girl got a phone call. The fellow asked are you a little girl?, yes she said. He asked can I speak to your mom or dad? She said no, they are busy and can't come to the phone. He asked is there anyone else there? She said yes, the police are here, can I talk to one of them he asked. No they are busy also. He asked is there anyone else there? yes, the firemen are here she said, they are busy and can't come to the phone. He asked what are they doing? She said in her quiet voice," they are looking for me."
Thanks, I know what to tell tomorrow at work to my boss! That's I'm busy :)
 

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FB_IMG_1485382639587.jpg

EDIT: ok I know this joke makes fun of our president, but come on I don't care what political spectrum you are it is funny.
 
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