TW200 Forum banner

1561 - 1580 of 1601 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
11 Posts
Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk."
The groom broom says, "How can that be? We haven't even swept together!"


Tom
haha its too funny lol
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
604 Posts
Some wives are like a tin roof. If you don't nail them enough, they eventually end up at the neighbor's.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,934 Posts
LEMON PICKERS NEEDED IN FLORIDA

CITIZENS OR LEGAL IMMIGRANTS MAY APPLY

"Lemon Pickers Needed” read the ad in the newspaper.

Ms. Sally Mulligan of Coral Springs, Florida, read it, and decided to apply for one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do.

She submitted her application for a job in a Florida lemon grove, but seemed far too qualified for the job.

She has a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan, and a master’s degree from Michigan State University.

For a number of years, she had worked as a social worker, and also as a school teacher.

The foreman studied her application, frowned, and said, "I see that you are well educated, and have an impressive resume.

“However, I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?”

"Well, as a matter of fact, I have," she said. "I've been divorced three times, owned two Chryslers, voted twice for Obama, and once for Hillary.”

She started work yesterday.

LEMON PICKERS NEEDED IN FLORIDA

CITIZENS OR LEGAL IMMIGRANTS MAY APPLY

"Lemon Pickers Needed” read the ad in the newspaper.

Ms. Sally Mulligan of Coral Springs, Florida, read it, and decided to apply for one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do.

She submitted her application for a job in a Florida lemon grove, but seemed far too qualified for the job.

She has a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan, and a master’s degree from Michigan State University.

For a number of years, she had worked as a social worker, and also as a school teacher.

The foreman studied her application, frowned, and said, "I see that you are well educated, and have an impressive resume.

“However, I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?”

"Well, as a matter of fact, I have," she said. "I've been divorced three times, owned two Chryslers, voted twice for Obama, and once for Hillary.”

She started work yesterday.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
914 Posts
Mike and Dave decided to stop at the Pub on their way home after work one day.
One beer led to another...then a hockey game...then nachos...then the waitress made "last call".
Dave said: "Oh Jeez I'm in trouble now..."
"Why's that?" asked Mike.
"If I'm out this late" Dave explained "I have to be so careful when I get home...I shut the car off a block from my house and then coast into the driveway...
I'll go in through the basement, because the front door has a nasty squeak...then, it's best if I just sleep on the couch downstairs, or I'll have to listen to the sermon for hours on end!"

"You're doing it all wrong" said Mike.
"How so?"
"Well" he continued "If I've been drinking...I'll drive home and crash into the garage door....then I'll sit there for a few minutes with the stereo going...I'll kick in the front door...step on the cat on the way upstairs and barge through the bedroom door proclaiming 'Daddy's home, honey!' and all I'll hear is ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
914 Posts
Bob, a travelling salesman was at a bar one night when he was approached by an elderly woman.
He figured she was 20 years his senior, but was still quite well preserved and had a body like a woman ½ her age.
She bought him a drink and nuzzled up alongside him at the bar.
"How would you like a little mother-daughter action tonight, stud?" she asked.
Bob couldn't believe his good fortune...another drink or two and the age-difference would be nothing he couldn't deal with...but all he could think about was how vivacious the daughter must be.
They finished their drinks and left the bar. Bob drove to her place and all the while, her hands were all over him...her tongue was in his ear...he could barely contain himself!
When they reached her place, she was practically tearing his clothes off as they went up the walk to the front door. Once inside, they were on the floor in a heartbeat and rolling around like two newlyweds.
Bob stopped himself "Hey...what about that mother-daughter thing you promised?"
"Sure, just wait here" she said, and walked to the bedroom at the end of the hallway.

Poking her head in the door, she asked: "Hey Mom...you awake?"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,305 Posts
This first one might be funny but also real.
202519


And this one really is real!

202520


GaryL
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,305 Posts
202677


GaryL
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13,348 Posts
Who doesn't like Saturday morning cartoons?

I don't care what your political persuasion is, that is funny. Schiff hit the fan, classic, and Tweetus Maximus making a Tweet Tweet sound instead of Beep Beep. Outstanding.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13,348 Posts
I have nothing useful to add in the motorcycle sections of the forum (though I’m tempted to ask what engine oil to use) so thought I’d just post up a funny. Unless you have a tattoo :p

202822
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
331 Posts
Here's to the hour of great repose,
It's belly to belly and toes to toes

And after a moment of sheer delight,
It's fanny to fanny the rest of the night!
 
1561 - 1580 of 1601 Posts
Top