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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Men Are Just Happier People

-What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

-Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental -$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

-A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

-You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.

NICKNAMES

- If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

- If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.

EATING OUT

- When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

- When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

- A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

- A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

- A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

- The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

- A woman has the last word in any argument.

- Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

- A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE

- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

- A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

- A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

- A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

- Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

- Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

- Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

- A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor ... And to the men who will enjoy reading.
 

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That about says it all doesn't it... :p

Good one B!! :D
 

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YOWZA!

Sure wish I'd written that...thanks Brian.
 

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Such timeless words of wisdom! Probably echos thoughts originally voiced by Aristotle.
If men are so happy then why do we find ourselves grumbling at times?
Grumbling makes us happy!

GaryL
 

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The longer we men live the easier it gets. I take my shower at night after a day of working which means doing whatever the hell I felt like doing. In the morning I can pop out of bed, toss some water on my face and comb my hair to be ready to go in less than 5 minutes. Shaving is optional and I really don't care if anyone doesn't like it. If my hair is unruly I just put a ball cap on. I can wear any color combinations I have at any time and the more it clashes the cooler I look. Married for over 30 years and never once have I asked my loving wife if this outfit makes me look fat or even dorky. She has to leave the house looking like a luxury motorhome while I can be perfectly happy looking like a utility trailer. I can wear a stain on my shirt like a badge of honor for the great meal she fed me and I really just don't care. I own one suit for funerals and weddings and have all sorts of cool outfits for divorce parties, hunting, fishing and wrenching. Shoes, I have 2 pairs but I have all sorts of boots and sneakers depending upon the weather. My wife would be horrified if she had to get up and go in less than 10 minutes and her mirror would never be the same. I'm okay with all of this and love it when she spends the time to make herself look great. She looks at me and just figures I am a man and this is the prize she got. Blue jeans and a T shirt with a slightly worn over jacket is the way I fly these days after over 30 years in a well kept, spiffy uniform I was happy to burn the day I retired. All of my pals pretty much dress the same way I do and most of their wives are always a little different every time I see them, different face, different hairdo, different outfit and with color coded shoes and handbags plus all the ear rings, necklaces and bracelets. Damn is it great just being happy old me.

GaryL
 

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She has to leave the house looking like a luxury motorhome while I can be perfectly happy looking like a utility trailer.

GaryL
Now that there's funny... ha ha ha :p
 
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